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The Fallout

ride alarm

This morning I made it back into the gym.  After taking some time yesterday to draft up a high-level training schedule, I hauled my ass out of bed this morning (barely) and got back into the gym.  Upon arriving at the gym, I was rudely greeted by the firm, undeniable reality of my extended training absence: the scale.

We meet again!

It had been months since I had stepped on a scale.  The last time being weeks before my ‘A’ race of the season, and having weighed a post-highschool low of 227lbs, I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky as to still weight the same amount.  After all, there was a lot of pizza, and nachos, and beer, and BBQ, and other delightfully-yummy-but-not-condusive-to-weight-loss foods over the past few months.  Just how much crap had I eaten?  Apparently about 13lbs worth.  240lbs – I thought I had long since left you in the past.  Crap.

5stagesofgrief

I think my honest first reaction was to test the scale.  Surely that couldn’t be right.  Maybe if I just slid the little weight thinger a bit to the left, it would still be level, and all would be forgiven?  Right?  Right?!?  Nope.  The scale doesn’t lie.  So I went and got onto the exercise bike and did what everyone does when stuck on an exercise bike for a prolonged period of time – I fumed!  Why the hell did I take so much time off?!?  Why the hell did I eat like crap these past few months?!!!!!?  Sure, there’s lots of excuses – we were on vacation for two weeks (and seriously: who diets while on vacation?!), I switched jobs and am still adjusting to the new commute and schedule, my wife had a birthday that needed celebrating, etc. etc.  Lots of great excuses, but they’re all just that: excuses.  It’s my own fault I fell off the wagon!  I fumed all the way into the office this morning, burnt my breakfast bagel, and then finally sat down at my computer and spent a few minutes looking at my new training schedule, trying to find something I could tweak to short-cut this fix.  There’s no short cut.  Just hard work ahead of me.

I think I’m somewhere in the Depression stage right now (though perhaps by writing out this blog post I’m moving towards the Acceptance stage).  I wouldn’t say I screwed up – It’s been a good few months; I’ve had a lot of fun, and had the down time that I needed.  But now I need to get back to it.  If there’s a silver lining to this big fat cloud, it’s that I’ve inadvertently done a nice social self experiment: if/when I decide to walk away from triathlon some day, will I be able to maintain the improved body weight and health that I’ve worked hard to attain.  And the answer – based on who I am today – is ‘no’.  I liken it (as best I understand) to an addict.  I can take control of my situation – I can own it, and improve it indefinitely.  But the moment I decide that it’s reached a desired state and I can stop working on it is the moment that it will win, and I will fall right back to where I was.  I suspect I probably have a food addiction.  I definitely have a “lazy” addiction.  And my health is something I’m always going to have to work on.

Nothing to do from here, though, except get back on the horse.  I got up for the gym this morning, and I’ll get up again tomorrow morning.  I’ve written a 5 week training plan – deliberately no more – and I’ll re-evaluate after 5 weeks before planning out the next chunck.  I’ve re-activated my account on Lose It! and am starting to pay closer attention to what I eat (I had leftover potatoe and kale soup for lunch today – a good start).  There’s no better time of year – for a triathlete – than right now to work on improving body composition.  I’m not going to let this beat me again!

~DO’G

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  1. October 7, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    thanks for sharing. don’t beat yourself up too much. one day at a time. be happy that you got the gym and remember how good it felt. start again tomorrow. cheers. joe

  2. October 7, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    You’ve got this, you have done it before you can do it again. Just remember to enjoy the process.

  3. October 24, 2014 at 11:38 pm

    Getting back to the gym too. I understand how hard and humbling and maddening it all is. Just remember the small victories and keep with it!

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